Video: How I Feel About My Body

by crashchaoscats



I want to talk a little bit about how I feel about my body because I see that a lot of people think that detransitioned people all hate our bodies and that’s not true for me. I like my body. I like my facial hair and my body hair and my deep voice. I either enjoy or don’t have a problem with how my body has changed. I wanted facial hair before I took t, I was super happy when it started growing in and I still like it now. I think I look very handsome with a beard. I used to be upset for a while about my voice because it makes it harder for people to recognize that I’m a woman but I’m ok with it now. It’s not like the voice I had before I took t was more authentically my voice than the voice I have now. It’s still my voice. I like how my voice sounds. It’s a good voice.

Most of the concerns I have about my body now are about how other people react to it. There are a lot of people out there who act like there’s something wrong with bodies like mine. A lot of people in this culture are uncomfortable with female bodies that they think are too masculine. I’m really tired of it. I’ve been dealing with this attitude since even before I took t. Before testosterone, I was already getting a lot of messages that there was something wrong with my body, that it was too masculine, too ambiguous, that it wasn’t what a female body was supposed to be like. That’s all bullshit. My body was fine then and my body is fine now. I wouldn’t change anything about my body but I do wish that I could change how some people see it. I’ve had people treat me really cruelly for being a woman with a masculine body and I still get anxious about how people will react. It’s one of the reasons I usually don’t correct people when I pass for male. I get especially anxious when I’m looking for a job or sometimes when I’m meeting new people for the first time.

I just want to live in world where it’s no big deal if a woman has a beard or a deep voice. I want what I am to be completely ordinary. So I don’t appreciate when people freak out and act like having a body like mine is a tragedy. It’s not. I don’t even think of my body as being that unusual. It’s just another human body. I feel very present in my body, I experience a lot of joy living in it and I appreciate all that it gives me. I’m grateful to have this experience living in this body of mine.

So in short, it’s possible for a detransitioned person to feel great about their body. You can’t assume how a person is going to feel just from knowing that they’re detransitioned. There are other detrans people who do suffer from how their body has changed and their experiences are real too. I think it’s great if detrans people who’ve had that experience want to talk about it so other people can understand and support them better. I’m not trying to say my experience is the only one or that it’s better in some way compared to other people’s. Detransitioned people are individuals with different experiences and needs and it’s important for people to know that.

Me, I want people to stop acting like my body is a problem. I also work on developing a strong relationship with my body so that other people’s bad reactions to it doesn’t bother me as much. The more I feel present in my body and the more I appreciate it, the less it bothers me when other people freak out about it. It becomes easier to see that what their projecting onto my body isn’t real and not be hurt by it as much. Not everyone is open to changing their minds but that doesn’t mean I have to suffer because of their ignorance. It can still be hard for me not to freak out when people react badly to bodies like mine but I’ve been working on it and it doesn’t mess with me quite as much anymore.

So to conclude, I’m a detransitioned woman and I’m happy with my body and I hope that eventually this society will be able to respect all kinds of bodies and that everyone is able to develop a good and satisfying relationship with their body. Take care and be well.